This odor which leaves the life after the rain, The wet sand and the soft wind, That the grey weather transform. And the birds which sing at this moment of pain. Singing the life, while in me it was the thunderstorm . I hear them again to sing with enjoyment, Accompanying my childhoods many tear. We don't sing in front of sadness,it's not an amusement, Why did they have to sing so much and so clear? They are, even today, In front of me, who is still crying. Go, sing! Even Shout I say, But the echos of an evil spell, It's nothing. It is not your song which hurts me, But still in me subsides the memory , The souvenirs of a life not so near, Reminiscence of hatred and fear . A moment of life where I was little and fragile, Where the fear was so big, unbearable. But in my soft and heart so docile, The fear was transformed into hate, it was inevitable. I became suddenly stronger, No need to hide myself behind doors any longer. A power had developed in me too. My instinct of life was stronger than you. I have never steered my hatred against thee, I kept it guarded profoundly in me. You had already stolen everything from me so valuable, I was not to give you the base of my survival. I grew with this hate, Which was a part of me, That the real problem to debate, It is that I didn't even see. I hated you and I didnt know it Because my head understood, My head forgave everything not just a bit While at you my heart cursed for good. |
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Today I don't know , If I hate you or if I understand , I only know that in my memories, I have pain That to hear birds sing in the rain, as now, That returns me behind in the time, so far. I think of you who gave me the life, But who took it back too so many times. I again think about the violence, the fears, Which in the arms of time, rocked my tears But you, you saw nothing, Still too drunk and yet drinking. But me I remember, I held my breath, Afraid of disturbing you,I was scared to death . Did you ever wonder what the effect could be, Down from the childhood, trapped, in the darkness, To see your mother shouting,crying and taking punches , To ask for grace, to implore pity while on her knees? Did you ever want to understand, The evil which I felt, To see my sister survive death ? Can you not understand that the fear has its end? There is no place for you in my life. Stay with your bottle, it is your good buddy. I only wanted to say to you, that by your knife I had pain, but you did not destroy me. Birds have stopped their singing rhyme, As if they had understood my punishment, As if they had come in time, To help me release my torment I feel better now, not like then Myself once again. I know the color of an I love you I know how to smile and grin too. I am not sad for your or for your distress, No more than I am happy of your misfortune. I wish that the life offers you satisfaction, But I do not want to be a part of your happiness. |
©Copyright Erika Arpin 1998-2011 Tous droits réservés
Inspired by years past with my father
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